Tag: emotions
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FEAR
What Does FEAR Do? Our family of four has shared some great trips with many great memories. But as with all vacations, not all memories are positive, and some can be downright scary. One summer we were visiting my wife’s family on the Atlantic coast of Florida. Her young adult cousin had a sea kayak…
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GRIEF/PANIC
Lost in Wall Drug As a little boy, I got lost at Wall Drug in South Dakota. I don’t remember much except two overwhelming feelings: grief and panic. I had lost connection with the people who made me feel safe. We often think those feelings belong to childhood, but they don’t. They show up in…
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CARE
We Never Outgrow the Need for Care My doctoral research focused on attachment theory and foster parents’ childhood attachment experiences. One of the strongest findings was the importance of substitute attachment figures. Many participants described painful relationships with birth parents, but healing relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles, or mentors who stepped in and provided care,…
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SEEKING
The Anticipation of Connection Have you ever encountered something—a place, an idea, a person—that made you want to know more? That impulse is not just curiosity. It is part of a core emotional system in the brain called SEEKING. In marriage, this system is essential. It drives the desire to explore, understand, and stay connected…
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Three Questions Every Couple Should Ask During Conflict
Conflict is an unfortunate reality for many couples during the holidays. We miscommunicate about schedules. We have too many demands on our time. Feelings get hurt over a gift, or we struggle to communicate our needs during this hectic season. The conflicts during this time can lead to raised voices, withdrawal, slammed doors, and silent…
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A Case for Monogamy
Odd Reactions to Sexual Betrayal The month of July 2025 was consumed with two news stories of sexual betrayal. The first involved the embarrassing exposure of an affair between two executives (the CEO and the human resources executive) with a technology company. They were caught on the “kiss cam” at a Coldplay concert. The second…
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Coping with Uncertainty
Attachment as an Antidote to Uncertainty John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, wrote a seminal paper early in his career titled “Forty-four Juvenile Thieves: Their Characters and Their Home-Life.” It is a remarkable initial work that explains the roots of attachment loss. Bowlby does not suggest that it is only the loss of a…
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A Poem of Hope
Hope has been a bit elusive lately. Wars rage, and there are constant conflicts and crises on the news. I do not want to be negative, but maybe more often than we are willing to admit, life throws us pain, discouragement, and despair. It can be overwhelming. I have a book of poetry by the…
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Being Grounded
You probably have some awareness of the psychological concept of being grounded. This idea has developed from therapeutic work with people who have sought healing from various traumas. Trauma in our lives can create lifelong struggles in responding to stressors and feeling triggered as a result of those stressors. The triggers are not necessarily traumatizing.…
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Nova the #TherapyCat
February 2025 Edition Nova, the #TherapyCat, is back with new insights and observations about humans, mental health, and relationships from her unique perspective as a cat. Lots has happened since our October 2024 edition. Most importantly, we had the holidays, and Nova’s experiences through the Christmas season and the beginning of the New Year have…