Being Grounded

You probably have some awareness of the psychological concept of being grounded. This idea has developed from therapeutic work with people who have sought healing from various traumas. Trauma in our lives can create lifelong struggles in responding to stressors and feeling triggered as a result of those stressors. The triggers are not necessarily traumatizing. Yet, they can cause an individual to emotionally reconnect with a past trauma almost as if they are re-experiencing the original trauma. You have probably heard this described as post-traumatic stress, and in its most severe forms, it can be diagnosed as a disorder.

Being grounded is physical in nature. It is deeply connected to your body and physical experience. Though there are cognitive and emotional elements, it is this embodied experience of being grounded that I want to focus on with this blog. Essentially, it is about the place where two feet, or your body, touch a stable, solid surface like the ground. It is a feeling of being anchored.

We are not just intellectual, emotional, or spiritual beings. Physical nature and experience can often get neglected as we cope with all the intangible, metaphysical parts of ourselves. But we are physical first and learning to be physically grounded is foundational for calming the cognitive and emotional storms within us.

Developing the skills around being grounded can have significant benefits in our closest relationships. Let’s talk about those at the end of this article, but first, let’s describe how to be grounded. G.R.O.U.N.D.

• Good Spot.

Grounding yourself is best accomplished in a quiet comfortable spot. Find a place free from noise, activity, and other things that might be distractions. Choose a spot that is soft and comfortable for sitting or reclining.

• Recognize your body.

Notice the feelings in your body. What is your temperature? Are you hot or cold? Is your heart racing? Is your breathing elevated? Do your muscles feel tense, or do you feel jittery? Do you feel pressure in your head? Is your mouth dry?

It is important to make note of these feelings in your body. The awareness is therapeutic but also gives you a baseline gauge for possible changes as you move through the process.

• Observe your body.

Notice your body in space. Does the space or environment have an impact on how you are feeling? What does your chair or space feel like against your back? What do your feet feel like on the floor? Does the air temperature help, or is it a bit distracting? What sounds do you notice, or do you notice the quiet? This practice is intended to increase your awareness of your body in the immediate space. Hopefully, this space feels safe and comfortable so that it can contribute to your soothing experience.

• Use your soothing tools.

There are many tools for calming or soothing yourself when attempting to ground yourself. A quick Google search would offer you many ideas. But here are a few that you might try.

1. Breathing – just try to slow your breathing down. It is simple but can be highly effective.
2. Heart Breathing – this type of breathing is effective for soothing tension and anxiety. It affects your heart rate variability (HRV). To heart breathe you close your eyes, breathe slowly, and imagine in your mind that each breath is passing into and out of your heart (not your lungs). Make a vision of this in your mind as you breathe slowly. Do this for at least 10 minutes.
3. Meditate – This seems to be done best when you choose a mantra, quote, or scripture. Repeat the idea from your chosen phrase.

There are many other options but these are just a few to get you started.

• Nest for an appropriate time.

Nesting is just resting in one spot until you are assured that the storm has passed. When we become triggered, our bodies can flood with cortisol, and our fight or flight system can become activated. Nesting allows your body time to clear itself of cortisol. This will not happen in five minutes if you are truly flooded. You may need as little as 30 minutes to up to two hours.

• Decide to Reconnect.

The key here is to “decide.” You can disconnect to get yourself grounded, and that is most often a healthy choice. But, reconnecting is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. So make the decision when you are ready to seek out whomever (your child or spouse) that you disconnected from and attempt to reconnect. Readdress the conflict calmly, offer each other apologies, forgive, and reconcile.

I mentioned at the beginning of the blog that being grounded has benefits for your relationships in your family. I want to share two benefits here.

1. Creates a calm stable atmosphere.

We know that stability physically and emotionally in relationships promotes attachment and feelings of security. When you ground yourself it models for your child the skills necessary for emotional regulation and your interactions with them are more protected from blowups. With your spouse, it helps keep conflicts deescalated so understanding can occur effectively.

2. It optimizes the reconciliation of conflicts.

Conflicts don’t need to be intense, nor do they need to be ignored. When we practice grounding for our well-being, we place ourselves physically, cognitively, and emotionally in the best place to hear our child or spouse so we can resolve a conflict. Conflicts are not about winning. Conflicts are best solved through understanding each other. Being grounded puts in the best space to practice understanding.

Many triggers can lead to our need for being grounded. Some come from right in our home and many come from stressors outside our home. Be willing to give yourself the time and space to recover. Use the ideas here to physically ground yourself and prepare for reconciling your closest relationships.