From the outset, I want to make things very clear – this is MY blog. I am the one and only Nova the #TherapyCat. I know many of you overloaded on the “cuteness” of the kittens from the November blog (insert eye roll). But let’s be honest, kitten cuteness is overrated, and the real star of this show has been ME from the outset. So, reader, please understand I will maintain full control over all published content on this blog.
Alright, but the real truth is I am under a contractual obligation to have all posts approved by my humans. So, under duress, I will appease their emotional proclivities for kittens and include some photos and thoughts on these new nuisances.
Do you sense my irritability and annoyance? These emotions fall into the anger category. I often hear one of my humans talk in therapy about anger being a secondary emotion (it feels kinda primary to me right now). I think he means that another emotion often precedes anger. Maybe I have actually been scared, hurt, or disappointed.
All this emotion talk is just a bit much. Or maybe it’s the kittens. I am not sure. Either way I am a bit tired. I will be back in a minute after my nap and tell you about something I have learned in the past few months – how to manage my impulse to withdraw.
You have seen me in this position before. I have always enjoyed hiding in boxes and leaping out at just the right second to scare my owners. I’m pretty good at it. But this kind of behavior comes from an emotional state of Play, and Seeking (curiosity). These are the spaces from which our experiences of joy come. But when you add negative emotions like stress and fear, the same behavior can be motivated by a different source. Let me explain.
Let me reintroduce you to Myshka. My humans tell me he is a nice, sweet cat, but honestly, he won’t leave me alone. This guy has no boundaries, and he crosses everyone else’s. That stress can make us want to retreat, be alone, and withdraw. See, when someone presses us, we can feel the need for a bit of space. My humans tell me that Myshka is just a kitten and he will learn. I just think he needs to start learning a bit faster.
Now, sometimes if we are patient and soothe ourselves, we can start to reframe what might look stressful as play and fun. Here I am with Stitch, trying to play with me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure, but because Stich will respect my boundaries, I have found him easier to play with. I encourage you to try to assume the best about those around you. Maybe they are not trying to stress you, but really just connect and have some fun.
But as you know, life has a way of being hard. We get triggered and stressed and we want to withdraw. I do feel this sometimes and I need to hide and decompress. This has mostly worked well, because I am learning to rejoin the family and group when I am soothed.
See, here is evidence. I am actually trying to activate my Play and Seeking system here. I am contemplating a sneak attack here, which I did accomplish. I jumped and gave a slight pop with the paw just to make sure Tank knows whose boss.
This kind of boundary setting by cats might look a little aggressive to you humans. I know you guys have some rules about assault and all. But we cats communicate this way, and it works. Look at me with Stitch. He actually respects my boundaries, and when he forgets or gets a little cheeky, I give him a small reminder with a gentle right hook. Look at him, sweetly allowing me to rest in my favorite spot.
Here’s the bottom line of what I have learned. Withdrawing for the appropriate reasons to soothe myself so I can rejoin the group is acceptable. Withdrawal from irrational fear is a problem. I have to keep telling myself these kittens, though annoying, are not dangerous. Now their mother on the other hand, maybe we will talk about her next time.
I’m actually going to let Tank have the last picture. Look at that goofball. He thinks he is still tiny, but he is named Tank for a reason. He is a full 11 lbs at 7 months and still growing. But he is a gentle giant that I am growing to love.
Until next time. Let your friends know about Nova the #TherapyCat.
Links to the last Nova the #TherapyCat posts.
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